On 9th December 2017 it became law in Australia that two people could marry regardless of gender. Love and equality finally prevailed.
On Friday 15th of December something truly beautiful and poignant happened; two people fulfilled a wish of a long time. A community of strangers; family, friends, photographer, celebrant, magistrate, clerks and registrar pulled together to make this marriage happen in time. It would not be the first same sex ceremony I or others had witnessed in Australia, but possibly the first I had seen recognised by Australian law. It was an emotional moment when I read out the words of the new act; a privilege, an honour, and about time. A sacred moment on a sacred day.
Two words had changed in the Marriage Act, substituting “man a woman”, for “two people”, and for Jo and Jill that changed everything.
The first I knew of their love was a phone call on Thursday from Cittamani palliative care telling me a tale of Jo, a woman with a rare cancer, who wished to finally legally marry her beloved Jill. It was Jo’s persistence that had kept the idea alive. Jill was unsure how it could be achieved. She had read about the one month waiting period. But how could it happen in their own home at short notice? Cittamani nurses decided to ring me and pose the question. As a celebrant I am aware that under exceptional circumstances a shortening of time can be granted by the Registrar.
I met with Jill Thursday afternoon at the courthouse. She had tried to get all the paperwork sorted, signed, witnessed and lodged with the Magistrate. It just wasn’t possible that afternoon, we needed Jo’s signature, and it was 4.30pm.
I met Jo Thursday evening. Evenings are good for her. She had energy. And her bright blue eyes and delightful smile told me all I needed to know about their resolve to be married. Witnessing Jill and Jo together was a love story, quite convincingly profound. I was taken with the dozens of photos on the wall from their 2013 commitment ceremony – a day of promise, filled with family and friends. A true wedding day. I realised I had met two amazingly beautiful women, with a deep connection and strong commitment to each other.
Jill was firm in her wish that the marriage happen, but was feeling torn. Going back to the courthouse the next day was tricky. She wanted to stay and care for Jo. This marriage was important. So I offered to go instead. At 8.30 am the next day, Friday, I was outside the Nambour Courthouse at opening time. The local magistrate understood immediately and faxed the application direct to Brisbane, following it up with a phone call to convey the urgency.
On the other end, the Queensland Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages recognised the importance of this request, and sped through the process.
Within the half hour, the stamped approval came back. I could prepare the marriage papers right away: new formats, fresh from the Attorney General, and those important new words, “two people”. I was ecstatic. Jo and Jill were going to be married that afternoon! They were ecstatic.
Several more emails arrived from Births, Deaths and Marriages. They wished to offer a free registered marriage certificate and what’s more they would do it immediately. This is a process that usually takes weeks. I was so delighted by their care and understanding that I offered to hand deliver the papers to the Brisbane office first thing Monday morning, to help out the process. They made a better suggestion, and we made a plan.
I phoned a colleague and asked if she’d be willing to be photographer at this special event in a couple of hours. I knew she’d say yes. Thanks to Marion Jonkers for the professional photos of this auspicious day.
A garden lovingly created by Jo and Jill as a shared passion, provided the perfect setting for a wedding; beds of herbs, flowers, rock seats and wooden doorways. Jo’s namesake rose was in bloom. The herbs were fragrant. Everything looked divine for their wedding.
Jo’s friend cancelled all her clients, and turned up with her hair and makeup skills. “Do what you can!” said Jo, always in good humour. Jo’s Mum and husband were there. Jill’s sister too. They had come at a moment’s notice.
We sat in the cool of the garden. I read from Leunig, and spoke of ceremony, love and choosing. With profound tears in my eyes I proudly read the new marriage statement. They reiterated their vows from years ago, adding the sentence from the new marriage act. They exchanged wedding rings, held hands and gaze. Their broad smiles were all that was needed to express a deep and sincere joy at finally being married, wife and wife. “Hey Mrs”.
We embrace ceremony and ritual when something truly profound is happening in our lives. We do this because we need to make a space, in time and place, to honour the unseen world that we carry within us. Ceremony takes a moment away from the usual hum of life, to contemplate and warmly acknowledge an emotional world. Inner feelings become front and centre for the day. A marriage acknowledges this. It is always a special ceremony. This wedding was extremely special and sacred.
After the vows, I enacted the plan to deliver the certificates immediately. Births Deaths and Marriages Queensland wished to honour this special occasion by delivering the registered marriage certificate that very day. The Principal Project Officer drove north from the Brisbane office. And I drove south from the northern beaches. We met at a roadside station, sat at a truckies’ table and exchanged the precious paperwork.
I then drove back to join the reception and hand deliver their certificate. Jo and Jill had been approved, married and registered within one day!
When Jill was asked how long have you and Jo been together she responded, “a lifetime; and yet not long enough.”
Jo’s Mum told me, “Today is the happiest day of my life. On the day I married my own true love, I thought that was the happiest day of my life, and I thought I couldn’t get any happier. But actually today, I am happier, witnessing my daughter able to fulfil her wish to marry her own beloved.”
Jo’s touching speech recognised a day of love and compassion from a community made up of people she had just met, or had never met, and may never get to meet at all. The day was made possible by the goodwill of a community of all kinds of people with different roles and different commitments and different lives, wanting these two to be married in time.
Endings depend on where one leaves the story. The tale always continues. We rest here with the newly weds, Jill and Jo, for marriage according to the law of Australia is the full commitment or union of two people.
Kari
Friday 15th December 2017
(with editing assistance by Glenda and Jessi)
Photos by Marion Jonkers Photographer
Thanks to Cittamani Hospice, Nambour Courthouse, Queensland Births, Deaths and Marriages, Russell, Marion, Tracey and Emily.
Unusual Readings
This story is about readings for your wedding ceremony. As an example let’s look at the wedding Danielle and Karim, married at Tiffany’s looking out over the Glasshouse Mountains.
But first let’s glimpse their wedding day….
Meeting your love
It is one of life’s richest surprises when a chance meeting of two people on a stairway leads them to love. It is one of life’s finest experiences when this love grows into a permanent relationship. It is a sacred day when these two people realise that they wish to make it forever in a marriage.
And it is joyous day when the wedding arrives and family gather from all over the world to marry on the Sunshine Coast Hinterland in the presence of spectacular views from the Maleny Range.
This meeting and this growing are what led to the wedding day for Danielle and Karim, who indeed met by chance five years ago on a stairway in a hostel in Scotland. The pipes may have played for them that day, or the angels sang, for they both knew that they had met someone special. Through being ruthlessly and wonderfully themselves, they fell in love and chose to get married, to begin the journey and ride the waves of life together.
A wedding ceremony in French
Now being French, Karim wished to make sure his mother could understand the service. So when this couple came to me it was with a special request, that their ceremony be in English AND French.
I am always happy to include other languages in a ceremony, and indeed speak French and Indonesian. However I have been known to get training to use other languages in a wedding ceremony.
Readings are often a part of a marriage ceremony. You can choose to have a close friend or relative to read, or indeed ask your wedding celebrant to read for you.
A reading can expand on your reasons for marriage, or describe the feeling of love in a way we may never be able to find the words to say out loud. A reading is a moment to pause in the ceremony and and reflect.
For this wedding, Karim’s mother, Nelly chose a poem for this special day. And of course it was in French! AND of course it is about love (l’amour)!
A Poem in French
Éloge de l’amour par Jean de La Fontaine
Tout l’Univers obéit à l’Amour ;
Belle Psyché, soumettez-lui votre âme.
Les autres dieux à ce dieu font la cour,
Et leur pouvoir est moins doux que sa flamme.
Des jeunes coeurs c’est le suprême bien
Aimez, aimez ; tout le reste n’est rien.
*****
Sans cet Amour, tant d’objets ravissants,
Lambris dorés, bois, jardins, et fontaines,
N’ont point d’appâts qui ne soient languissants,
Et leurs plaisirs sont moins doux que ses peines.
Des jeunes coeurs c’est le suprême bien
Aimez, aimez ; tout le reste n’est rien.
A Reading from Bob
The second reading they chose is from Bob Marley, in English this time:
Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.
You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life. A phone call during the day always brings a smile to your face.
Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and soul mate, who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they will be part of your life, forever.
There are so many beautiful texts to help illustrate a wedding ceremony. I keep a folio of ideas and samples for my couples. I also have several books with unusual readings and quotes.
You may find something from a song lyric, a film script, or written on a graffiti wall that inspires you.
Thank you to Focus Films for the images of Danielle and Karim’s English/French Wedding ceremony.
For other stories on French Weddings:
Something Very French
With a French touch
Totally in French
More French wedding inspiration
