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Handfasting Wedding Rituals
A handfasting wedding ceremony is just one way to say I do.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”38311″ img_size=”large” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow”][vc_column_text]
Handfasting rituals
Since ancient times couples have stood together in the ceremony of marriage. There are many rituals that have lasted centuries, that symbolise a couple’s love and commitment. The handfasting ceremony dates back to the time of the ancient Celts. It was often used to acknowledge the beginning of a trial period of a year and a day during which time a couple were literally bound together – hand fasted. It was, however, a temporary agreement, which could be made permanent after the trial period if both parties agreed. It is from this wedding tradition that we know of the expression to “tie the knot”, or to “get hitched”.
Nowadays, the handfasting ceremony is used symbolically, as part of the declaration and wedding vows. It is a way of asking your intentions.
Would you like to Tie the Knot?
Today a couple can embrace an age-old marriage tradition, making it your own in a modern day ceremony. In a handfasting wedding ritual, a cord is tied about your hands as you take your vows.
In this handfasting ritual, the couple answer a series of questions. For each question a binding, for each binding a promise.
Once you are all tied up, as your marriage celebrant I can release the cords. For in fact, it is your promises that bind you not the cords! But you get to keep the cord … for fun![/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Thanks to the wonderful Luke Going for the beautiful images of this touching moment. His work is unique.
Cate and Dave were married by the lake. They wanted a relaxed wedding, something a little different, not churchy, but laid back like themselves. They embraced a Handfasting to express their vows.
How does it work?
Here are some ways to approach a handfasting ceremony. Of course I am here with many examples at my fingertips, a whole list of vows for you to choose from, and a wealth of creative spirit to write for you. Let’s mix it up, modernise the sentiments and reference the traditions that you want to hold onto.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_column_text]
Traditional Handfasting vows
[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”38288″ img_size=”large”][vc_single_image image=”38289″ img_size=”large”][vc_single_image image=”38301″ img_size=”large”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”3/4″][vc_column_text]The traditional handfasting promises are a series of questions. They acknowledge that life is not always easy, that relationships sometimes have unintentional outcomes. But a good intent underlies the love.The classic questions begin like so:
Celebrant to groom: Will you cause her pain?
Groom: I may
Celebrant to groom: Is that your intention?
Groom: No
Celebrant to bride: Will you cause him pain?
Bride: I may
Celebrant to bride: Is that your intention?
Bride: No
Celebrant to both: Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it?
Both: Yes
Celebrant to both: Please join your hands.
The first cord is draped across the bride and grooms hands.
Celebrant to bride: Will you share his laughter?
Bride: Yes
Celebrant to groom: Will you share her laughter?
Groom: Yes
Celebrant to both: Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Both: Yes
Celebrant: And so the binding is made
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Modern handfasting questions
But you can devise modern handfasting promises instead. Something along the lines of:
Do you vow in your married life together to continually break through your pre-conceived views of each other and see clearly.
Couple: We do
Do you vow to act wisely and compassionately with one another and with all beings.
Couple: We do
In my role as a writer, I can chat with you and then devise a series of questions that suit your very own values and ideals for approaching your relationship.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/3″][vc_single_image image=”38311″ img_size=”large”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_column_text]
Romantic Handfastings
[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”38309″ img_size=”large”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”3/4″][vc_column_text]Or perhaps you’d prefer something rather romantic.
Will you promise your deepest love, your fullest devotion, your tenderest care, and your faithfulness through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future?
Bruce & Emma: We pledge
Do you promise to be an equal loving partner, in a loving, honest relationship, standing by each other’s side, making a shelter of your heart, a home of your arms, encouraging your partner’s daily endeavours?
Bruce & Emma: We pledge
As you face the future together will you pledge to grow in your love for each other, to nurture the love that already is, honour and cherish each other, being there always?
Bruce & Emma: We pledge [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”2/3″][vc_column_text]
Handfasting ribbons
You can get quite creative with the handfasting wedding vow format. Imagine having a different coloured ribbon for each promise. And each wedding promise sculpted around the meanings of those colours.
Red for passion and love
For example the handfasting could become a statement instead of a question:
I promise to love passionately and unwaveringly with my heart, my body and my soul.
A pink ribbon could symbolise unity, honour, truth, romance, and happiness, with the statement:
I promise you my undying love, honesty and commitment in creating and nourishing our loving equal partnership.
A yellow ribbon would mean charm, confidence, joy, balance
Black could equal strength, wisdom, vision and or success
Green stands for prosperity, health, abundance and fertility
Blue often represents tranquillity, patience, understanding and a safe journey
Of course purple is for power, healing, sanctity and sentimentality.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/3″][vc_single_image image=”38287″ img_size=”large”][vc_single_image image=”38322″ img_size=”large”][vc_single_image image=”38301″ img_size=”Large”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Contact me now to chat about your handfasting ceremony.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
On 9th December 2017 it became law in Australia that two people could marry regardless of gender. Love and equality finally prevailed.
On Friday 15th of December something truly beautiful and poignant happened; two people fulfilled a wish of a long time. A community of strangers; family, friends, photographer, celebrant, magistrate, clerks and registrar pulled together to make this marriage happen in time. It would not be the first same sex ceremony I or others had witnessed in Australia, but possibly the first I had seen recognised by Australian law. It was an emotional moment when I read out the words of the new act; a privilege, an honour, and about time. A sacred moment on a sacred day.
Two words had changed in the Marriage Act, substituting “man a woman”, for “two people”, and for Jo and Jill that changed everything.
The first I knew of their love was a phone call on Thursday from Cittamani palliative care telling me a tale of Jo, a woman with a rare cancer, who wished to finally legally marry her beloved Jill. It was Jo’s persistence that had kept the idea alive. Jill was unsure how it could be achieved. She had read about the one month waiting period. But how could it happen in their own home at short notice? Cittamani nurses decided to ring me and pose the question. As a celebrant I am aware that under exceptional circumstances a shortening of time can be granted by the Registrar.
I met with Jill Thursday afternoon at the courthouse. She had tried to get all the paperwork sorted, signed, witnessed and lodged with the Magistrate. It just wasn’t possible that afternoon, we needed Jo’s signature, and it was 4.30pm.
I met Jo Thursday evening. Evenings are good for her. She had energy. And her bright blue eyes and delightful smile told me all I needed to know about their resolve to be married. Witnessing Jill and Jo together was a love story, quite convincingly profound. I was taken with the dozens of photos on the wall from their 2013 commitment ceremony – a day of promise, filled with family and friends. A true wedding day. I realised I had met two amazingly beautiful women, with a deep connection and strong commitment to each other.
Jill was firm in her wish that the marriage happen, but was feeling torn. Going back to the courthouse the next day was tricky. She wanted to stay and care for Jo. This marriage was important. So I offered to go instead. At 8.30 am the next day, Friday, I was outside the Nambour Courthouse at opening time. The local magistrate understood immediately and faxed the application direct to Brisbane, following it up with a phone call to convey the urgency.
On the other end, the Queensland Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages recognised the importance of this request, and sped through the process.
Within the half hour, the stamped approval came back. I could prepare the marriage papers right away: new formats, fresh from the Attorney General, and those important new words, “two people”. I was ecstatic. Jo and Jill were going to be married that afternoon! They were ecstatic.
Several more emails arrived from Births, Deaths and Marriages. They wished to offer a free registered marriage certificate and what’s more they would do it immediately. This is a process that usually takes weeks. I was so delighted by their care and understanding that I offered to hand deliver the papers to the Brisbane office first thing Monday morning, to help out the process. They made a better suggestion, and we made a plan.
I phoned a colleague and asked if she’d be willing to be photographer at this special event in a couple of hours. I knew she’d say yes. Thanks to Marion Jonkers for the professional photos of this auspicious day.
A garden lovingly created by Jo and Jill as a shared passion, provided the perfect setting for a wedding; beds of herbs, flowers, rock seats and wooden doorways. Jo’s namesake rose was in bloom. The herbs were fragrant. Everything looked divine for their wedding.
Jo’s friend cancelled all her clients, and turned up with her hair and makeup skills. “Do what you can!” said Jo, always in good humour. Jo’s Mum and husband were there. Jill’s sister too. They had come at a moment’s notice.
We sat in the cool of the garden. I read from Leunig, and spoke of ceremony, love and choosing. With profound tears in my eyes I proudly read the new marriage statement. They reiterated their vows from years ago, adding the sentence from the new marriage act. They exchanged wedding rings, held hands and gaze. Their broad smiles were all that was needed to express a deep and sincere joy at finally being married, wife and wife. “Hey Mrs”.
We embrace ceremony and ritual when something truly profound is happening in our lives. We do this because we need to make a space, in time and place, to honour the unseen world that we carry within us. Ceremony takes a moment away from the usual hum of life, to contemplate and warmly acknowledge an emotional world. Inner feelings become front and centre for the day. A marriage acknowledges this. It is always a special ceremony. This wedding was extremely special and sacred.
After the vows, I enacted the plan to deliver the certificates immediately. Births Deaths and Marriages Queensland wished to honour this special occasion by delivering the registered marriage certificate that very day. The Principal Project Officer drove north from the Brisbane office. And I drove south from the northern beaches. We met at a roadside station, sat at a truckies’ table and exchanged the precious paperwork.
I then drove back to join the reception and hand deliver their certificate. Jo and Jill had been approved, married and registered within one day!
When Jill was asked how long have you and Jo been together she responded, “a lifetime; and yet not long enough.”
Jo’s Mum told me, “Today is the happiest day of my life. On the day I married my own true love, I thought that was the happiest day of my life, and I thought I couldn’t get any happier. But actually today, I am happier, witnessing my daughter able to fulfil her wish to marry her own beloved.”
Jo’s touching speech recognised a day of love and compassion from a community made up of people she had just met, or had never met, and may never get to meet at all. The day was made possible by the goodwill of a community of all kinds of people with different roles and different commitments and different lives, wanting these two to be married in time.
Endings depend on where one leaves the story. The tale always continues. We rest here with the newly weds, Jill and Jo, for marriage according to the law of Australia is the full commitment or union of two people.
Kari
Friday 15th December 2017
(with editing assistance by Glenda and Jessi)
Photos by Marion Jonkers Photographer
Thanks to Cittamani Hospice, Nambour Courthouse, Queensland Births, Deaths and Marriages, Russell, Marion, Tracey and Emily.
