Wedding traditions can be a part of your wedding ceremony. They can come from any culture or heritage. Different traditions can make your wedding quite unique. You can draw from your own culture or heritage. Or you can be inspired by other wedding traditions. Together we can craft them to suit you, who you are and what you want your wedding day to feel like.
A real wedding
Mateja and Jason approached me with a delightful and unique wedding tradition from her cultural background. Coming from Croatia, Mateja knew that there was some fun to be had. She wanted to gently integrate a Croatian family wedding tradition into her Australian wedding. We discussed how to help the guests feel included. She wanted to create some fun and acknowledge her cultural heritage at the same time.
The Bridal Switch
The Bride Switch is one of the most amusing customs in Croatia. Traditionally the groom arrives with his guests in front of the bride’s house and asks for his bride. A male family member from the bride’s family opens the door. However the family are not giving the bride away so easily. They want to make sure the groom really wants her.
The bride’s family try to “cheat” the groom and his best man by giving him a false bride. This can include all kinds of tricks. They offer a doll dressed in a veil, a baby clothed in white, a little girl with flowers. They try to give the groom a straw broom dressed in lace, a bloke in a frock, or the grandmother veiled and smiling, or even one of the young bridesmaids.
After being jokingly hoodwinked a few times, the groom finally gets to see his bride and then both parties unite and leave for the church.
How did it work
In honour of Mateja’s cultural background, on her wedding day at The Rocks by the Maroochy River, we embraced this Croatian Wedding tradition. I sent Jason away for a moment to explain it to the guests. They smiled as they detected some fun to be had. I enlisted their help to call out and object each time a false bride was offered. They were encouraged to shout hints, heckle and advise the groom not to accept someone less than his gorgeous bride.
Jason’s best man, John, helped us out on behalf of the bride’s family. As we waited for the bride, I asked John to go and see if she was ready. He returned with a doll dressed in a long white wedding veil.
There were wild calls of wrong choice and Jason blankly refused to be duped. He said he wanted a real person to marry.So John tried again and returned with a sweet boy dressed in white.
Again the guests loudly objected on Jason’s behalf. And he just stood shaking his head… with a smile on his face. He said, no my bride is a beautiful woman.
John tried one more time, returning with the beautiful bridesmaid, Beatriz, escorting her down the aisle. Surely the groom would be happy with what he had asked for?
Jason told him firmly that he is very close, but insists that Mateja is his bride no other will be acceptable.
The music started and Mateja appeared at the top of the stairs, elegantly walking down the aisle on the arm of her Dad, Mladen.
And so the wedding began, honouring a fun and engaging Croation wedding tradition, and establishing the mood of the day… absolute fun.
Congratulations and thank you for sharing your wedding tradition with your guests. Here’s what Mateja and Jason had to say.
Thanks to brother Sam for the amazing photographs capturing the fun of the day, and to Michelle and the amazing team at The Rocks Yandina for the wonderful support, and sublime decor in yellow and white.
On 9th December 2017 it became law in Australia that two people could marry regardless of gender. Love and equality finally prevailed.
On Friday 15th of December something truly beautiful and poignant happened; two people fulfilled a wish of a long time. A community of strangers; family, friends, photographer, celebrant, magistrate, clerks and registrar pulled together to make this marriage happen in time. It would not be the first same sex ceremony I or others had witnessed in Australia, but possibly the first I had seen recognised by Australian law. It was an emotional moment when I read out the words of the new act; a privilege, an honour, and about time. A sacred moment on a sacred day.
Two words had changed in the Marriage Act, substituting “man a woman”, for “two people”, and for Jo and Jill that changed everything.
The first I knew of their love was a phone call on Thursday from Cittamani palliative care telling me a tale of Jo, a woman with a rare cancer, who wished to finally legally marry her beloved Jill. It was Jo’s persistence that had kept the idea alive. Jill was unsure how it could be achieved. She had read about the one month waiting period. But how could it happen in their own home at short notice? Cittamani nurses decided to ring me and pose the question. As a celebrant I am aware that under exceptional circumstances a shortening of time can be granted by the Registrar.
I met with Jill Thursday afternoon at the courthouse. She had tried to get all the paperwork sorted, signed, witnessed and lodged with the Magistrate. It just wasn’t possible that afternoon, we needed Jo’s signature, and it was 4.30pm.
I met Jo Thursday evening. Evenings are good for her. She had energy. And her bright blue eyes and delightful smile told me all I needed to know about their resolve to be married. Witnessing Jill and Jo together was a love story, quite convincingly profound. I was taken with the dozens of photos on the wall from their 2013 commitment ceremony – a day of promise, filled with family and friends. A true wedding day. I realised I had met two amazingly beautiful women, with a deep connection and strong commitment to each other.
Jill was firm in her wish that the marriage happen, but was feeling torn. Going back to the courthouse the next day was tricky. She wanted to stay and care for Jo. This marriage was important. So I offered to go instead. At 8.30 am the next day, Friday, I was outside the Nambour Courthouse at opening time. The local magistrate understood immediately and faxed the application direct to Brisbane, following it up with a phone call to convey the urgency.
On the other end, the Queensland Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages recognised the importance of this request, and sped through the process.
Within the half hour, the stamped approval came back. I could prepare the marriage papers right away: new formats, fresh from the Attorney General, and those important new words, “two people”. I was ecstatic. Jo and Jill were going to be married that afternoon! They were ecstatic.
Several more emails arrived from Births, Deaths and Marriages. They wished to offer a free registered marriage certificate and what’s more they would do it immediately. This is a process that usually takes weeks. I was so delighted by their care and understanding that I offered to hand deliver the papers to the Brisbane office first thing Monday morning, to help out the process. They made a better suggestion, and we made a plan.
I phoned a colleague and asked if she’d be willing to be photographer at this special event in a couple of hours. I knew she’d say yes. Thanks to Marion Jonkers for the professional photos of this auspicious day.
A garden lovingly created by Jo and Jill as a shared passion, provided the perfect setting for a wedding; beds of herbs, flowers, rock seats and wooden doorways. Jo’s namesake rose was in bloom. The herbs were fragrant. Everything looked divine for their wedding.
Jo’s friend cancelled all her clients, and turned up with her hair and makeup skills. “Do what you can!” said Jo, always in good humour. Jo’s Mum and husband were there. Jill’s sister too. They had come at a moment’s notice.
We sat in the cool of the garden. I read from Leunig, and spoke of ceremony, love and choosing. With profound tears in my eyes I proudly read the new marriage statement. They reiterated their vows from years ago, adding the sentence from the new marriage act. They exchanged wedding rings, held hands and gaze. Their broad smiles were all that was needed to express a deep and sincere joy at finally being married, wife and wife. “Hey Mrs”.
We embrace ceremony and ritual when something truly profound is happening in our lives. We do this because we need to make a space, in time and place, to honour the unseen world that we carry within us. Ceremony takes a moment away from the usual hum of life, to contemplate and warmly acknowledge an emotional world. Inner feelings become front and centre for the day. A marriage acknowledges this. It is always a special ceremony. This wedding was extremely special and sacred.
After the vows, I enacted the plan to deliver the certificates immediately. Births Deaths and Marriages Queensland wished to honour this special occasion by delivering the registered marriage certificate that very day. The Principal Project Officer drove north from the Brisbane office. And I drove south from the northern beaches. We met at a roadside station, sat at a truckies’ table and exchanged the precious paperwork.
I then drove back to join the reception and hand deliver their certificate. Jo and Jill had been approved, married and registered within one day!
When Jill was asked how long have you and Jo been together she responded, “a lifetime; and yet not long enough.”
Jo’s Mum told me, “Today is the happiest day of my life. On the day I married my own true love, I thought that was the happiest day of my life, and I thought I couldn’t get any happier. But actually today, I am happier, witnessing my daughter able to fulfil her wish to marry her own beloved.”
Jo’s touching speech recognised a day of love and compassion from a community made up of people she had just met, or had never met, and may never get to meet at all. The day was made possible by the goodwill of a community of all kinds of people with different roles and different commitments and different lives, wanting these two to be married in time.
Endings depend on where one leaves the story. The tale always continues. We rest here with the newly weds, Jill and Jo, for marriage according to the law of Australia is the full commitment or union of two people.
Friday 15th December 2017
(with editing assistance by Glenda and Jessi)
Photos by Marion Jonkers Photographer
Thanks to Cittamani Hospice, Nambour Courthouse, Queensland Births, Deaths and Marriages, Russell, Marion, Tracey and Emily.
When I begin planning a unique ceremony with couples, they often ask what they must do, and what they can do.
Well the answer is that the Australian marriage law is very flexible. There is no compulsion to be in a registered marriage office, as in Europe, nor to mention God in a civil ceremony. There is so much leeway to have the wedding ceremony of your own style and tone.
There are however a set of words that must be said. Some by the celebrant and a sentence by the couple. The marriage vows must include a set of words that could be considered a little dry. Of course you can add any other words of your choice. Have a peek at David and Amber’s Day at Maleny Manor then read on to see how he managed with those words.
Thanks to LM Images for the amazing photos.
Amber and David’s is a love that grew over time, having begun when they first met on the hospital touch football team. As they got to know each other, through social outings with mutual friends and through their work at the hospital, Amber and Dave discovered that touch was just one of the many passions that they had in common. Both being doctors, they have a wealth of education to draw inspiration from.
David is an especially creative soul with words. He managed to take the legal sentence from the marriage vows and turn it into poetry. David promised ……
I call upon the people here today,
To witness these words I’m about to say:
I, David Liu
Take Amber Peckston – you
To be my lawful wedded wife
Starting today for the rest of my life
I will be your partner in all things
No matter what challenges life will bring
I promise to help you cook and clean,
And try my best to stay reasonably lean
I promise I’ll try to stay alive
When I’m hanging out with these 2 guys
(at this point he gestured towards the groomsmen, his partners on adventures of the extreme kind!)
I promise to amend and shake my fist
When people call you a psychologist
You’ll never fight your fights alone
I’ll share your dreams like they are my own
I promise in 50 years I will still say
I love you, as strongly as I did today.
It was a delight to work with Amber and David, in creating their wedding ceremony
What they said of Kari:
David and I would like to sincerely thank you for all of the hard work you put into creating a beautiful ceremony for us. You were always there when we had questions and so prompt with your replies. Your interactions with our guests and your delivery of our ceremony was flawless.
Amber & Dave